I recently noticed that every time I’m trying to gas Tums up or encourage her my default was always “look at you, pretty girl” and after awhile she kinda understood it was a compliment and she’d smile or laugh. I don’t exactly know how or why I decided to switch it up; I know I had been blogging about my day maybe? A particular subject? I don’t remember. But it was a blog post that made me realize what I was doing.
That’s what I love about blogging, you can come across random subjects as you’re writing and end up with a million idea’s and sub thoughts. It’s amazing the way it works.
I made list of things she is;
So now whenever I want to hype her up I use one of these.
You’re more than just pretty;
The whole reason behind it is that as she grows, I don’t want her to think that beauty equals value. There’s already too much of that going on in the world, in the media and now with social media which kids who are joining up are getting younger and younger. I want her to have someone in her life who is constantly reminding her she’s more than just a pretty girl. That her other traits are just as important and that they are powerful.
I want her to focus on being the things she is that no many people will point out to anyone. And hope that she builds confidence in the fact that she is smart, brave and compassionate. I hope she never loses her curious spirit and that she continues to keep trying to figure things out and to keep learning.
I’m not saying that if you call your child pretty girl that it’s wrong. Cause it most definitely is not. I’m just saying that I want to raise her in a way that I wasn’t raised. There was so much weight on being pretty my entire life. And I get that brothers are jerks cause they just are but it still hurt all the same. It still made me insecure just as much as when my peers would bully me for being skinny (as if I can help that, though as an adults I’m 50% thankful for it now). I always thought that since I wasn’t one of the “pretty girls” in school that I had no value whatsoever and I wish I had known that that was WRONG.
Even now to my mid adulthood, the things that had been placed on me I still carry and I really wish I didn’t. Just because you’re aware of something that is false still unfortunately doesn’t always make it go away. And I would hate for Tums to carry the same insecurities I carry well into her mid 30’s like I am.
I want to try my best to encourage her and remind her of the “smaller things” most people don’t do or notice that they’re not doing. And as her mother, it’s my job to raise and protect her to the best of my ability.
Did you deal with being bullied in school? If yes, how do you think it’s impacted your life into adulthood?